What am I avoiding today?

It’s always something, isn’t it? Distraction abounds in so many shapes and forms and I’m all in on every one of them. Political news to my taste? Games on the devices? New people to talk to? Anything but sitting, being.

This morning I’m on the bus and at least using the time here to do this. Twitter can wait, as can email and the phone can be a useful tool. Today: lots to do as I prepare to be out of the office. Interesting here is that it used to be a fairly quiet day after the hurly-burly of Sunday through Tuesday but pretty much every day is packed now.

Tomorrow is coffee with a friend, investigating a new direction on the guitar, laundry, etc. and maybe more time in bed. Want to make sure I don’t go overboard which as you might be able to tell is the other side of an avoidance but hey, I’ll check in and let you all know.

This is the day.

Seasonal weather patterns being what they are today would be an excellent day to stay at home, looking out the windows. I’m blessed with great windows at home that let in plenty of light for me and The Wonder Cat. Facing west they let in everything and if I had a mind to, perfect for just sitting.

That’s a lovely fiction to think of, knowing the reality would be to let myself be distracted by other non-window type things like screens (tablet, television, etc.). It might even be a book which is an upgrade of sorts but still a distraction so it’s probably a good thing that I’m going to a more purposeful place.

Friday morning is prep time for (usually) Sunday but we have an event at the church tomorrow that will also probably include some Saturday attention but that comes with the territory. Maybe the weather will at least allow for a bike ride to and fro. If not, the bus will be fine as will I. And the good thing about screen time on the bus is that it also includes updating the blog.

The day begins.

On the bus this morning because it looks like the weather is trending toward wet. And not just rain but all of the niceties that comes with an atmospheric river, Pineapple Express, or like the good old days, raining cats and dogs. The wet is one thing, the wind is another so no bike today.

The bus is never a bad thing when I can plan ahead so in a fine mood. This week has been a good and positive week so taking it all in stride. Busy enough that the day passes quickly and tomorrow is an off day followed by a Friday and realizing I’m not really saying anything here so going to wrap this but the practice of repetition helps my blogging, all good here, promise more meat soon.

Monday, Monday.

I've never been one of those people who doesn't like Mondays. Even when I wasn't a churchgoer, getting back to work after a weekend was just fine. When I started to regularly attend church, it was an even easier ask as church and my experience in worship and other volunteer activities fueled me in such a way as to be happy to be back around my people. If they were okay with me sharing, even better.

Now Mondays are a day when I facilitate a men's bible study group at 8am. Still surprises me that I am a part of a committed group of men who are okay with being on ZOOM, working our way through our biblical and theological questions, no wrong answers, just good questions. Also, enough space to be there for each other in a meaningful way. Given that my Sundays are a work day, it is the faith-based activity that allows me to stay grounded. 

The above image was something that I came across last week on my way home. I like the way that is framed and if I have an artistic muse, it is regularly about found art. Stuff that comes together accidentally but still connects with something in my head, and heart. I have a large collection of images that I will share in this space, please let me know what you think and where you find your artistic inspirations. 

Taylor Swift.

 I don't necessarily think of myself as a Swifty but I am definitely a fan. I came to this as many people have recently. Seeing her at football games as she roots for her boyfriend, hanging with the fans and the fam, and one day I started getting into the catalog and came away impressed by her music: hooky, smart, well played, music that makes me want to move. So, maybe I am a Swifty after all. 

I mention her today because she has somehow become a polarizing figure in our world and that bothers me greatly. I see someone who has values, who is comfortable in her own skin, and who has priorities that I share. She has been instrumental in getting young people to vote, seems to truly and deeply care about the world, and also has an awareness of her unique platform and uses it to the best of her ability. To me this is a role model, something we can always use more of. 

If you want to be chill, put on her record Folklore. Quiet, contemplative music that still allows me to move with grace and purpose (and whatever dignity I'm capable of when I'm dancing, think David Byrne with even less rhythm), and what else is there? 

Consume.

It’s Thursday and a break day for me. Having split days off can be stressful because you don’t really get to let go but it works for me somehow. Off today, back tomorrow for a day that is focused on getting ready for Sunday and pretty much left to my own devices and never minding the work because sitting still is never going to be anything I’m good at. So, the day is…

Laundry, cleaning off to lunch with a friend at Buffalo Burger on Geary and 17th, small place that has my favorite burger in the City, great staff, vibes. Then tonight I get my meal on at Fogo de Chao, a Brazilian steakhouse where I will be with the guys from my longtime fantasy football league where we just finished season 29 (!) and I won my fifth championship. Fantasy sports are my hobby, something that fits all of my likes. Sports, research, finding those hidden nuggets. While all that’s great, there is also the fellowship aspect of people whose company you just enjoy. So, great meal, people, some money and a trophy that’s got a story of its own.

in the middle of the day there is time to sit in the sun, listen to music (Pinback’s Autumn of the Seraphs) and some absence of movement. Yes, I’m sitting.

Politically Incorrect

At some point in my life I was clearly defined as liberal. Not screamingly so but certainly well defined in any sort of normative state. Against the death penalty, pro choice, anti war. Pretty standard stuff and as such, a Democrat. Through Nixon, LBJ, Viet Nam, civil rights movement; all of the usual markers in understanding that there was a clear distinction between my politics and the politics of my Republican friends.

That time seems forever ago and what has replaced it seems impossible to reconcile with until I remember the Democratic National Convention in Chicago in 1968. The brutality of that summer in that city seems to hew closely to today. Our own National Guard pushing protesters through plate glass windows while the crowd chanted “the whole world’s watching” in one of the great cities of the US was a sign of things to come. A divided country pitting us against each other while congress sat and watched, content in their privilege and to hell with the country.

There was an accounting for many of them and the repercussions of those times changed a lot of things so why can’t that happen again? That’s what helps me sleep, keeps me awake at night but in my heart I am that person that clings to that. Emily Dickinson idea of hope as “that thing with feathers”.

On the bus again this morning and not seeing the raindrops but the flowers yet to come.

May it be so.

After the rain.

 Then the rain passes and people start to breathe a little bit better. The air is clean, the sky is bright and my slow commute street is populated with joggers, bikers, seniors out in the air, kids...

Just like that everything is refreshed and renewed and there is a palpable sense of optimism. Because of the rain. 

The rain.

It’s another rainy day but that works just fine. I have warm clothes, umbrella if I need one and a bus system that gets me where I need to go.

And oh, the bus. As long as my spirit is willing I find MUNI to be a real community so always/usually make an effort to make connections when I am riding. Met a young Japanese student last week, made a new friend, expanded my world just a little bit more so being wet is a small price to pay. Will arrive at work shortly and start my Monday off with a men’s Bible study (book of Genesis and the story of Jacob and Esau) a as bf then on to the work of our church. Historically old building which means leaks, other challenges but also an insanely beautiful foundation and facade. As you might be able to see I’m already trying to build a foundation of gratitude and appreciation in the hopes it will sustain me.

Speaking of that, I got an email over the weekend from a young lady who was with me in my youth group and it was one if those emails that gives me pause. She wanted to thank me for my role in helping build her faith and I was so touched to get that sort of grace. She and her sister have been through a lot as family and her faith has helped her navigate those choppy waters and to be able to be that person for her gives all sorts of meaning to my life and early work in the church. My work as of late at the church is different and sometimes differ enough to give me pause but I’ll leave that for later, maybe even tomorrow.

see you soon.

The day as it is.

Sometimes it’s just about accepting what you have and being good with that. I’m not saying it’s easy but IMHO it’s a whole lot easier than the disappointment that comes from not having everything your own way. Yesterday I talked about Radiohead, today, continuing with that modern media thing I’m going to reference Survivor. Yes, that Survivor.

After managing to avoid the first 43 seasons, I landed on an episode in 44 and got hooked. And because my favorite streaming service has every season, started binging. Watching the evolution of the show and seeing it as a mirror to the world, it somehow helped me make some sense of whatever I was going through in the day. While the early seasons were sexist, misogynistic, painfully clueless, that all changed season by season. Timelapse photography of the world, so to speak.

And the impact of the pandemic was also reflected in an effort to be more representative of tje world as it is. They offered a more diverse cast, made an effort to dismiss the old tropes and offered the possibility that the show wasn’t just about Alpha males and the women that knew their place. Enough.

Today is another rainy day here in the Bay but a good day I’m hoping. Not perfect but still just about right. Hold on to what you have, not what you want, see you tomorrow.

There, there.

 "In pitch dark, I go walking in your landscape. Broken branches trip me as I speak. 

Just 'cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there." - 'There, There" by Radiohead.

I'm listening to a lot of Radiohead right now. Started with a book by Stephen Hyden entitled "This Isn't Happening" and once I got started, there was no turning back. About me and music, once I get in a musical groove, I'm comfortable listening to the same song/album over and over until I find something new to obsess over. 

Kid A was a unique piece of music: uncomfortable for many, not very hooky or pop but if you are okay with it, it is mesmerizing. And as a period piece, it's remarkably in tune with the times. Dystopic as it might be, some moments draw you in, get caught in your head, and swirl around like dirty dishwater. Not a pretty picture if this is not what you want to be listening to but for me right now? Just about right.

Please don't think I'm that nihilistic, I'm not but also find that listening to music, things like this remind me of how sunny I really am but also understand, and appreciate that there is some dark in here that needs an outlet.

Stopping here, more tomorrow...